Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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