The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
