ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
