dude i'm inner monologue high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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