he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
