grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
