Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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