I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's always time for handjobs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
