I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
