i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
