did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
