Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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