If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
