oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
