Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
