i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
