please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
