Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize