I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
