I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
