I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm like, not good at living.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
