I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
