No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
