well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
