ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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