i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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