Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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