so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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