Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

bitch so ugly she owes me an erection

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear

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(618): View more from Illinois

I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(251): View more from Alabama

I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.

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(626): View more from California

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead

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(503): View more from Oregon

Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.

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