Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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  (631): peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york http://tfl.nu/xd1t
  Replies (13) Good night (2917) Bad night (607)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick

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  (813): from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick http://tfl.nu/923d
  Replies (17) Good night (5344) Bad night (670)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....

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  (859): just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese.... http://tfl.nu/man3
  Replies (41) Good night (4908) Bad night (922)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

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  (803): just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car http://tfl.nu/l192
  Replies (191) Good night (16044) Bad night (2304)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.

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  (360): I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/s6gu
  Replies (17) Good night (4771) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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  (512): He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice. http://tfl.nu/cehn
  Replies (7) Good night (865) Bad night (3112)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.

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  (336): Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other. http://tfl.nu/ei4k
  Replies (5) Good night (941) Bad night (2895)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it

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  (661): I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it http://tfl.nu/7h1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (1735)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.

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  (262): Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell. http://tfl.nu/5ggd
  Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (1477)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?

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  (610): Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen? http://tfl.nu/hze5
  Replies (5) Good night (2497) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

  (949): View more from California

  In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

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  (949): I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket. (949): In a moving vehicle and other people in the car http://tfl.nu/58wf
  Replies (7) Good night (1281) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison

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  (864): Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison http://tfl.nu/9c49
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.

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  (850): Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too. http://tfl.nu/dtev
  Replies (8) Good night (477) Bad night (187)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.

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  (410): The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day. http://tfl.nu/gmm1
  Replies (4) Good night (398) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.

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  (903): I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/xsbd
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (143)

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