Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home