I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
