Don't make out with my wife yet
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
