So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you.
Bad choice
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
