i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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