I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
