Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
