I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
