The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
