You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
