he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
