I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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