Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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