apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
