great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
