he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
