When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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