i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he thought i was a dude.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
