im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
