We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
In America we eat man semen.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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