She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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