Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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