i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
