i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
