i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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