I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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