Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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