So drunk its hurt
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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