nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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