Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There's even glitter on my cock...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
