i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
