and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You made out with two different species that night
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
