I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
