I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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