I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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