Your mouth is God's brothel.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
