I murdered the dance floor call the cops
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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