You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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