How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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