he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
