I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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