I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
