no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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