dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
