Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
