btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
