you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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