if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
