Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
