Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
